GAMMA Serves Gays Married to Women, by Harry Fox
Published in BaltimoreOUTloud, a bi-weekly LGBT paper serving Baltimore and its surrounding communities, in 2014
Since the inception of the gay rights movement, hundreds of organizations have come and gone, serving the needs of the evolving LGBTQ community. One group, GAMMA, based in the Washington, D.C., region, is dedicated to helping men who are gay, bisexual, or questioning, or who do not label themselves at all, but are attracted to men and are in straight marriages or relationships with women. GAMMA has been offering a place for support and fellowship for such men on a continuing basis since 1978.
GAMMA grew out of an October 24, 1977 fire at the Cinema Follies Theatre, which took the lives of nine men and hospitalized several others. The Follies was a gay adult movie theater and a number of the men who died were married. GAMMA was born the next year as a peer support group for gay married men – a phrase that meant something very different than it does today with marriage equality--and has continued to hold regular meetings ever since.
With the dramatic advances in recent years in LGBTQ rights, one could ask, “Is GAMMA still relevant?” For the men searching for answers who continue to discover GAMMA, and who come from both near and far to attend meetings, the answer is a resounding yes.
Doesn’t every man know whether he is gay or bisexual by his teens or twenties? Not necessarily--each man’s path is different. Some men who come to GAMMA knew about their attraction to men early, but did not feel they could express it because of religious, family or cultural beliefs, which often takes the form of internalized homophobia. Most men describe falling in love with their wives, but discovering quickly how their sexual orientation made full expression of the love impossible. Other men may have had hints about their attraction to men, but those attractions only became clear in their 30s, 40s, or even later. What surprises me, first as a GAMMA attendee and now as a GAMMA facilitator, is the power of each man’s story. And despite similarities, no two stories are the same.
GAMMA meetings are rich and varied – they always attract one to two men coming for the first time, as well as men returning for a second and third meeting, and veterans who have been coming for years.
Men come to GAMMA from all walks of life and age groups. But most often it is a crisis in a man’s life that brings him to GAMMA: for example, a spouse has found gay porn on the family computer; or a man realizes he cannot hide his sexuality from his spouse any longer; or a man who shared his sexuality with his partner before marriage, now finds it resurfacing after being buried within the marriage years, undiscussed.
Some men who come to GAMMA meetings for support decide they need to leave their marriage and live a more openly gay or bisexual lifestyle. Other men who come to the meetings find ways to accommodate their sexuality and choose to remain married to their wives. GAMMA does not have a party line. Everyone has to find their own answer, and what is best for one person may not be best for another. All are accepted at GAMMA.
No matter what a man’s history, the men who come to GAMMA often have one thing in common, after being in the closet and married or in relationship to a woman for many years: relief. Their first GAMMA meeting is often the first time in their lives that they have ever spoken with other men about their attraction to men. Watching a man attend his first meeting, hearing him share some of the most intimate challenges he is facing, and observing him gather strength from the other men in the room, is moving and powerful. Men leave their first GAMMA meeting knowing they are not alone, and that they have an important base of support as they start to make the difficult decisions on the direction their lives will take.
GAMMA meeting are currently held in Washington, D.C. near Dupont Circle on the 2nd and 4th Friday of every month, and in Northern Virginia once a month. Meetings are planned in 2015 for Maryland.
GAMMA grew out of an October 24, 1977 fire at the Cinema Follies Theatre, which took the lives of nine men and hospitalized several others. The Follies was a gay adult movie theater and a number of the men who died were married. GAMMA was born the next year as a peer support group for gay married men – a phrase that meant something very different than it does today with marriage equality--and has continued to hold regular meetings ever since.
With the dramatic advances in recent years in LGBTQ rights, one could ask, “Is GAMMA still relevant?” For the men searching for answers who continue to discover GAMMA, and who come from both near and far to attend meetings, the answer is a resounding yes.
Doesn’t every man know whether he is gay or bisexual by his teens or twenties? Not necessarily--each man’s path is different. Some men who come to GAMMA knew about their attraction to men early, but did not feel they could express it because of religious, family or cultural beliefs, which often takes the form of internalized homophobia. Most men describe falling in love with their wives, but discovering quickly how their sexual orientation made full expression of the love impossible. Other men may have had hints about their attraction to men, but those attractions only became clear in their 30s, 40s, or even later. What surprises me, first as a GAMMA attendee and now as a GAMMA facilitator, is the power of each man’s story. And despite similarities, no two stories are the same.
GAMMA meetings are rich and varied – they always attract one to two men coming for the first time, as well as men returning for a second and third meeting, and veterans who have been coming for years.
Men come to GAMMA from all walks of life and age groups. But most often it is a crisis in a man’s life that brings him to GAMMA: for example, a spouse has found gay porn on the family computer; or a man realizes he cannot hide his sexuality from his spouse any longer; or a man who shared his sexuality with his partner before marriage, now finds it resurfacing after being buried within the marriage years, undiscussed.
Some men who come to GAMMA meetings for support decide they need to leave their marriage and live a more openly gay or bisexual lifestyle. Other men who come to the meetings find ways to accommodate their sexuality and choose to remain married to their wives. GAMMA does not have a party line. Everyone has to find their own answer, and what is best for one person may not be best for another. All are accepted at GAMMA.
No matter what a man’s history, the men who come to GAMMA often have one thing in common, after being in the closet and married or in relationship to a woman for many years: relief. Their first GAMMA meeting is often the first time in their lives that they have ever spoken with other men about their attraction to men. Watching a man attend his first meeting, hearing him share some of the most intimate challenges he is facing, and observing him gather strength from the other men in the room, is moving and powerful. Men leave their first GAMMA meeting knowing they are not alone, and that they have an important base of support as they start to make the difficult decisions on the direction their lives will take.
GAMMA meeting are currently held in Washington, D.C. near Dupont Circle on the 2nd and 4th Friday of every month, and in Northern Virginia once a month. Meetings are planned in 2015 for Maryland.