Learn and Grow
There are a lot of great books, videos, podcasts and news articles we have collectively read or viewed. Included on this page are some of our favorites, with a particular focus on men coming to terms with their sexuality in relation to their marriage or relationship with a woman. We have also included a number of great books, blogs and articles more broadly about gay men, including a few fantastic autobiographies of men coming to terms with their sexuality and a section of must read books.
Must Reads:
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The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World, (Second Edition), by Alan Downs
Bisexual Married Men: Stories of Relationships, Acceptance, and Authenticity
by Robert Brooks Cohen Out of the Shadows: Reimagining Gay Men's Lives by Walt Odets
Finally Out: Letting Go of Living Straight, A Psychiatrist's Own Story by Loren A. Olson M.D.
Coming True: Seeking Truth in Self Later in Life by William Brown LPC
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GAMMA Focused Discussions
GAMMA Focused Discussions were held regularly in Washington, D.C. for men who are interested in a more focused discussion on topics that they may be struggling with or would like to learn more about. We have captured some of the more important topics and the questions we have discussed to help men navigate these issues: GAMMA Focused Discussion Deep Dive
GAMMA in the NEWS:
Harry Fox, Gamma facilitator, was interviewed by Dan Bolen on his Podcast, The Courage To Be Courageous: Episode 43, January 16, 2024
The Graying Rainbows Podcast interviewed GAMMA guy Eric Kearsley. The January 6, 2020 interview can be found at: Graying Rainbows, Episode 32.
The Straight Spouse Network Podcast interviewed GAMMA guy Eric Kearsley. Listen to the April 15, 2019 interview: Straight Spouse Podcast Season 2, Episode 6.
Metro Weekly, Washington, DC’s largest and longest-running LGBT publication, published a wonderful article about GAMMA, written by Metro Weekly's John Riley, on February 11, 2016: I’m Gay (and Married to a Woman): Confronting Sexuality After Saying “I Do”
How Straight Spouses Cope When Their Partners Come Out, published 10/8/2014 on Slate.com, including information about GAMMA and an interview with a GAMMA facilitator.
GAMMA was profiled in 2014 in an article in BaltimoreOUTloud, a bi-weekly LGBT paper serving Baltimore and its surrounding communities, in an article titled: GAMMA Serves Gays Married to Women
Podcasts:
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The Making Gay History podcast mines Eric Marcus’s decades old audio archive of rare interviews — conducted for his award-winning oral history of the LGBTQ+ civil rights movement — to create intimate, personal portraits of both known and long-forgotten champions, heroes, and witnesses to history.
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The Two Bi Guys podcast is a fantastic listen. It is a podcast about "fluid sexuality, gender, masculinity and femininity, intimacy, relationships and more -- hosted by two bi guys." Every man, gay, straight, bi or other can learn about their sexuality from this podcast.
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A southern coming out story from an evangelical christian man dealing with being gay. It is a moving, very personal story without preaching or politics.
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The first season of the MATTACHINE podcast is an incredible story of the founding of the queer movement in the US. It begins in the 1920's and ends with the hunt for communists and homosexuals in the 1950's. The schism between gay culturists and gay integrationists of that period has echoes in today's LGBTQ+ movement. Season 2 is expected to tell the story of the movement up until the Stonewall riot of 1969.
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Empowering Videos:
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I'm from Driftwood is a wonderful website with a large diversity of personal and empowering LGBT video stories. These personal stories can provide hope to men just exploring what it means to be gay or bisexual. These videos are posted on YouTube and the I'm From Driftwood website.
It Gets Better Project was first envisioned by Dan Savage and his husband as a way to combat LGBT teen suicide. For men coming to terms with their same sex attraction, these video stories are wonderful testaments to the full and happily lives that LGBT men and women can lead. Today there are thousands of videos posted on the website and on YouTube that give hope of a better future.
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Mixed-Orientation Marriages
Mixed-Orientation Marriage Pathways to Success, a free online book and web resource for couples in a mixed-orientation marriage.
Fiction Books
Giovanni’s Room by James Baldwin. This book is one of the classics of gay literature, published in 1955, about a young man in conflict about his attraction to a man, Giovanni, and the woman he is engaged to.
Books About Married Gay Men
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Playing It Straight by Ph.D. Milton E. Ford
Journey Out: Memoirs of Men Coming to Grips With Their Orientation by Gene Probasco
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I Should Have Known: Memories of a Gay Married Man by Dean Gardner Ostrum
The Lie: A Memoir of Two Marriages, Catfishing and Coming Out by William Dameron
A Life of Unlearning: One Man's Journey to Find the Truth by Anthony Venn-Brown
Stranger At The Gate: To Be Gay and Christian In America by Mel White
In The News
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In early October 2014 Rabbi Gil Steinlauf, married with children, wrote to members of Adas Israel Congregation, in Northwest Washington and came out. His beautifully written letter about his struggles with his attraction to men was published along with an accompanying article in the Washington Post. His letter reflects much the same struggle many of us went through in our own lives.
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Finding Love Again, This Time With a Man, is an opinion piece in the New York Times by Harris Wofford,
April 23, 2016. Wofford, a founder of the Peace Corps, the president of two colleges, and the former Senator from Pennsylvania, writes about finding love with a man after his wife passed away in 1996. Wofford himself passed away in January of 2019.
April 23, 2016. Wofford, a founder of the Peace Corps, the president of two colleges, and the former Senator from Pennsylvania, writes about finding love with a man after his wife passed away in 1996. Wofford himself passed away in January of 2019.
A Fathers Coming Out, Written by His Son
A 2016 essay by a son about his father's, (a GAMMA attendee), coming out. The essay was published in Intertext, a Syracuse University’s Department of Writing Studies publication showcasing the best undergraduate writing, titled, A Father's Smile
Other Recommended Books
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My Thinning Years: Starving the Gay Within by Jon Derek Croteau
Soldier of Change by Stephen Snyder-Hill, Introduction by George Takei
Philomena: A Mother, Her Son, and a Fifty-Year Search by Martin Sixsmith
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Becoming Gay: The Journey to Self-Acceptance by Richard Isay
Frankly My Dear I'm Gay: The Late Bloomers Guide to Coming Out by Rick Clemons
Is It a Choice?: Answers to Three Hundred of the Most Frequently Asked Questions About Gay and Lesbian People by Eric Marcus
Double Life: A Love Story from Broadway to Hollywood by Alan Shayne, Norman Sunshine
Inside Out: Straight Talk from a Gay Jock by Mark Tewksbury
Breaking the Surface by Eric Marcus, Greg Louganis
It Gets Better: Coming Out, Overcoming Bullying, and Creating a Life Worth Living by Dan Savage, Terry Miller
Mississippi Sissy by Kevin Sessums
The Best Little Boy in the World by John Reid and Andrew Tobias
Coming Out to Play by Robbie Rogers, Eric Marcus
Becoming Nicole: The Transformation of an American Family by Amy Ellis Nutt
Not My Fathers Son by Alan Cumming
She's Not There, A Life in Two Genders by Jennifer Finney Boylan.
This wonderful book has a lot to teach bi and gay men who have lived in the closet for many years. Boylan, born as a man, tells of his transition to a woman. But in recounting her story, both funny and sad, there is much that resonates with the men of GAMMA who have spent years hiding who they are.
This wonderful book has a lot to teach bi and gay men who have lived in the closet for many years. Boylan, born as a man, tells of his transition to a woman. But in recounting her story, both funny and sad, there is much that resonates with the men of GAMMA who have spent years hiding who they are.
Stuck In The Middle With You, A Memoir of Parenting In three Genders by Jennifer Finney Boylan.
This second memoir by Boylan can deeply resonate with the men of GAMMA and the years many of us spend hiding our true selves.
This second memoir by Boylan can deeply resonate with the men of GAMMA and the years many of us spend hiding our true selves.
Gay History Books
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Forcing the Spring: Inside the Fight for Marriage Equality by Jo Becker
Redeeming the Dream: The Case for Marriage Equality by Theodore B Olson, David Boies
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The Gay Revolution: The Story of the Struggle by Lillian Faderman
Body Counts: A Memoir of Politics, Sex, AIDS, and Survival, by Sean Strub
Making Gay History: The Half Century Fight for Lesbian and Gay Equal Rights by Eric Marcus
And the Band Played On: Politics, People, and the AIDS Epidemic by Randy Shilts
The Mayor of Castro Street: The Life and Times of Harvey Milk by Randy Shilts
The Gay Metropolis: The Landmark History of Gay Life in America by Charles Kaiser
Spirituality & Religion
Books
Has “Homosexual” always been in the Bible? - An excellent online article about how the word homosexual came to be in the bible.
God and the gay Christian by Matthew Vines
Torn: Rescuing the Gospel from the Gays-vs.-Christians Debate by
by Justin Lee
by Justin Lee
Unclobber: Rethinking the misuse of the bible on homosexuality by Colby Martin
The Man Jesus Loved – by Theodore W. Jr. Jennings and Jr. Theodore W. Jennings
A well written theological study of the topic of Homosexuality in the Bible.
A well written theological study of the topic of Homosexuality in the Bible.
Essay: A Historical Perspective on Biblical Law – should it impact us today?
An interesting article written by one of the men of GAMMA on A Historical Perspective on Biblical Law – should it impact us today? The essay discusses the acceptance of LGBT and the Old Testament.
An interesting article written by one of the men of GAMMA on A Historical Perspective on Biblical Law – should it impact us today? The essay discusses the acceptance of LGBT and the Old Testament.
Videos
The Gay Debate: The Bible and Homosexuality, Matthew Vines. Drops out of Harvard after coming out to himself. He spends two years researching the issue of homosexuality and the bible and presents his findings at a local church. The video went viral. Following he published his book God and the Gay Christian which is considered the leading book on the topic from a non theologian.
Choosing Gratitude and Hope, a TEDx talk by Matt Nightingale and his former wife, Luanne Nightingale. Matt was a minister, married, and had four kids. He came out and together with his wife found a way to see their marriage from a place of gratitude not despair or betrayal. He is now a coming out coach for men of faith coming to grips with their sexuality.
Podcasts
Queerology. Named one of the 12 Best LGBTQ Podcasts of 2020 by “O: The Oprah Magazine.” How might we live better as queer people of faith? Matthias Roberts brings together theologians, psychologists, poets, thinkers, and change makers for conversations around belief and being.
Open Bible Podcast. LGBTQ Affirming Theology for Curious Christians. Season one deals exclusively with gay christian issues.
Geeky Justin: Faith, Culture & Nuance. From the author of the book Torn, Justin Lee.