​Gay Social Cues

This was a lively discussion on the topic of Gay Social Cues.  Some of the topics we discussed included:
  • "How much should I get to know a man before I have sex?" or for some men "How much sex do I have before I get to know a man?"
  • "After sex, how do I make a permanent connection with a man?"
  • What are the social cues for romantic relationships?  How do you know if he just wants sex or a longer term relationship?
  • What if your 'gaydar' is not too good. One man at the meeting said, "Gaydar? You have to make it pretty obvious to register on my device."
  • Are gay social cues uniform or are they different in different depending on where you meet a man, for example: at church, in the bear community, in a gay bar? 
  • Do you want a hookup or a date?  How is a dinner date that ends with sex different from a hookup? How do you tell the difference?
  • Where do you draw the line on a date or hookup?  Are you comfortable saying no in the midst of sex or on a date with a man if you are not comfortable with something?
  • When you are first entering the gay world how do you know what it all means?
  • If you want more than just sex, how do you manage the pace of getting to know another man. 
  • How do you ask another man about his STD or HIV status? 
  • What environments are you comfortable meeting someone: a Meetup hike; a Meetup dinner or cocktail event; a bar; a Church or Synagogue; through friends? 
  • How do you strike up a conversation with another man, at dinner; at a Meetup event, in a bar? 
  • How soon is sex appropriate after just meeting someone? 
  • "I think he likes me but how do I know?" 
  • "I think I like him, what do I do next?" 
  • "How fast should I move to be physical with someone I just met?" 
  • "I haven't dated since I met my wife.  I don't know what to do on a date with a man." 
  • In a world of Grindr and Scruff, how do you take it slowly until you are comfortable and sure that you want to get to know a man better?
  • How do you translate skills you have in other setting, like making small talk, to dating a man?