​Staying Married: The Challenges & Opportunities

This particular meeting was for men who have chosen to stay married as well as men who have separated from their wives.  

​Some of the questions the men explored, included: 

• Why should a gay/bi man stay married if he has feelings for men?  How can he express his attraction to men if he is still with his wife?
• Does one's decision to stay married depend on how long one has been married? Possible effects on the children if the marriage were to break up?
• What other factors in a marriage should be weighed in the decision whether or not to stay married? (e.g., we're soulmates; best friends; financially entwined, etc.)
• What are the benefits to the wife to remain married?
• What compromises is the man willing to make to stay married? Sexual fidelity? Occasional sexual activities outside the marriage? Acceptance of wife's need to perhaps go outside the marriage for sexual fulfillment?
• How do you support your wife’s confidence when you have a male lover?
• How do you help your wife to build/maintain self-esteem if you are attracted to men exclusively or if you have a lover?
• How do you balance the needs (emotional, financial) of your wife and lover?  family and lover?
• How do you cope with the desire to be independent and free to follow your inclinations?  What makes it worthwhile to stay married?
• How do you determine if staying married is better for your wife than separating?  How does the answer to this question change through time?  What factors influence it?