Telling the kids

​Our October Focused Discussion was on the topic: Telling the kids.  

Telling the kids is always a challenging discussion between a husband and wife. Sometimes the wife fears telling the children, (no matter how old they are), will damage or hurt them, while the husband is ready to be known fully buy his children. In other situations the wife wants the 'truth' to be known by the family before the husband is ready.  In any scenario, it is never clear how the children will react.

Some of the questions we discussed, included: 

• When is the right time to come out to the kids?  
• Is there an "ideal" age?
• Are there preconditions to effectively discus my sexuality with my children?
• How do I prepare for the conversation?  
• What work do I need to do on my own?
• How much detail is appropriate?
• What role does my spouse have in my coming out to the kids?
• After coming out, then what?  
• Managing the risk of being pushed back into the closet; how do I continue to share my life with my kids?
• Does my coming out affect my role as a father and my position I the family? how? My kids and my dates?  my kids and my boy friend; my kids and my partner -- challenges and opportunities in both directions. 
• Are you proud of who you are as a gay or bisexual man or ashamed?  How will this color the conversation with your children?
• Did you raise your children to be tolerant and accepting of diversity and difference or did you raise them to hate different?  Will this color how they react?
• Where does religion play a part in how your child will react?  Was your child raised in a tolerant religion or one that hates homosexuality?